WALT this week make a story about a paper bag.
This week we made a story about a paper bag and today we edit And re craft here it is
The Bag of Intrigue
BEEP BEEP BEEP ‘’uh it's the alarm’’ I get up mum says breakfast is ready! I smell the fresh taste of toast as I rush down the stairs, get ready, brush my teeth, get changed and take one bite and rush to school. I live right next to it in the suburbs. I love it here with the birds chirping.
I get to school when the bell rings and go to class. We are doing math, my favorite subject I like so much so time goes by so fast that I didn't even notice that the bell rang. I went out to play when all of a sudden the class bully came, his name is Lusty. He just stole a kids lunch as he approached me “hey give me your lunch money I say “I don't have any money” Lusty says“ well you're gonna pay” I get up and sprint away faster as i've ever been I get to the cafeteria where Lusty leaves me alone.
There is an old gremlin lady who brings out a bag and leaves. I go and inspect it. I look closer and it starts moving then suddenly BAM! A small alien half the size of me comes with big black eyes. It's kinda cute. I took it home and hid it from mum. Mum says “dinners ready” as I come down the stairs. I'm so caught up in thinking that I found an alien in a bag that I tripped and fell down the stairs. “Are you okay?” says mum. “Yes mum”
I see two big scary men in black suits they say that there is someone else here I realize there for the alien I say “I have to pee'' and I go up to check on him I go out the window and leave I ask him “where are you from” he says “mars” so I decided to try hijack a rocket in the morning I go back home and tell mum about everything and she lets me go. I know that NASA the rocket company are launching a rocket in 1 hour for a test so I rush to the place and mum gave me some money for a taxi as I get there there is 20 minutes left I see the big black men there again I see a scientist as I sneak past him I get in there I see the rocket A scientist sees me “GET HIM” they say I rush to the rocket it says ten, nine, eight, seven then he disappears as he has teleport into the rocket as I wave goodbye I go back home and the scientist says im in a lot of trouble but this is a warning as I go home I feel good, the end.
\
Good job Xavier you have done really well. Lots of good words next time try to make your story more descriptive but other than that it's really good.
